Tag: emotions

Always xoxo

Sitting here at the laundry mat, teaching the girl her ABC's.
She's so smart, can't believe how much she's grown.
Years ago, life was so unknown.
Now I'm working and we have a home.
I've got her and she's got me.
She says Mommy your all I need.
It warms my heart; it melts the snow.
Only this mommy would know...

When the green-eyed girl looks up at you, holds your hand as you cross the street. 
Momma's heart skips a beat. 
That sweet kiss goodnight on the cheek and then you hear " I love you" from down the hall. 
Baby girl and I are doing this on our own.
Don't need no man to make this a home.  
I once thought it had to be, now I'm finding out nothing is how you plan it to be. 

Shit this isn't where I thought I'd be; low-income housing and food stamps for me. 
Where is my ring.
Where are my three kids.
Where the family photo that should be on the fridge. 
Where is her Daddy, when she needs him the most?

I know where I stand, I know who I am.
Until my day ends, all be here until that last i love you and kiss goodnight.
This mother's love won't burn out.
Cause when I'm gone, all love you more.
All watch you grow, as I stand above you.
All be your angel...cause this momma will never leave you. 



 Krissy 2015

I wrote this song when my daughter was 5 or 6 years old, we lived-in low-income housing, and I had raised her on my own. She was my motivation, my reason to strive. My biggest fear was what would happen to her if I wasn’t alive.

Broken Wings

Doors close behind my eyes 

I no longer see what I’m used to. 

The shutters of my heart close. 

I only see a blank page.  

Everything’s changed and can’t be reminded. 

My life has stopped with the pain. 

I no longer see what I once saw;  

I am now overwhelmed with worry, fear, and agony for the cry of a baby. 

All I think about is her; the angel I created inside of me. 

I can’t help but wonder are her wings broken, or does she have none.  

They say chances are slim, if that is true, I might go limp. 

I can’t help but feel this feeling that I didn’t do the job I was supposed to do. 

My body has let me down.  

My body has failed me. 

I want to not try again; so, I don’t catch blame for breaking another angel’s wings… 

For now, I wait,  

I wait for the light to shine through my shadow of defeat. 

The light shall bring me back to the once happy life I lived.  

Poem By KNP

Compassion

It is something then cannot be taught. It is something we naturally do without trying. To be in the medical field compassion can be of great value. It is a skill that cannot be taught, to do CPR taught, to stop bleeding taught, and so on. If i could give any advice don’t lose your heart in it, keep that passionate, compassionate drive to make a difference alive. You will have tough calls. You will even have tough days where you make mistakes, fall on your face, fall off a step helping carry a patient. Don’t worry PT was fine no was hurt. But my dignity. OH YES, can’t forget falling in a canal ditch at 5 am. Yes, that was me this morning stepping out of the ambulance on a call, thankfully there was no water in the ditch. We are going to mess up, best advice I can give is laugh it off. If you can laugh at yourself and realize you are new. There is nothing you are not going to do that some newbie didn’t do already before you. That is the beauty of being new, make all your mistakes now so you can help someone like you later on.

The same goes for being a CNA, working in a hospital is a emotional rollercoaster. You go in one room they are fine, there was some minor stuff. Next room you go in is sometimes on comfort cares and they have hours to live. Death is sad, scary, and very real. The thing some don’t see is the peace that comes with death. The battle someone fights to live gets exhausting and they choose to let go. No more pain, no more being tired of being sick. I am not sure if you have read this book, “Tuesdays with Morrie” it is an exceptional read about coming to peace with death. That death is not fear. It is a beautiful story about finishing how you started. Choices made on your terms. This morning all leaves you with this, if we live our lives in fear, are you truly living, or are you just hiding because realism is too hard to face. Go for the real, the raw, as much as it hurts and can be scary to embrace there is beauty is the storm. You will come out stronger, and more confident because you didn’t give up when life go hard. xoxo