What or Who Changed You?

This question could be answered in a name, Kali Marie Peck. Born on May 5th, 2012 and passed on July 21st 2012. My daughter Kali was born terminally ill, she was given only 5 minutes to live on this earth with me. At 20 weeks along, I was told my daughter was given a serious diagnosis of Campomelic Dysplasia, it is a skeletal dysplasia like dwarfism, a child is born with fused ribcage where she will outgrow what her body can tolerate. Eventually she would stop breathing, due to suffocation and heart not capable of mainting her survivability without extensive surgeries and hospitalization. I would have to decide surgery or no surgery? Kali quality of life would never be what she fully deserved and like other children. She would never have a normal childhood with her big sister. If we decided surgery was an option, she would have multiples to sustain her life another 6 months more, and on and on. As her parent, and caregiver I decide to take her home on Hospice care and let her die at home with me caring for her. She required many machines and cords. I went though much crash training of how to be a nurse in a month, and how to make sure she died peacefully without being in pain. I should mention now at this time, that I was only 19 years old at the time, with another 2-year-old daughter at home. It was the scariest, hardest time of my life. I loved her with everything I had to offer, in my weakest moments I couldn’t fall apart, I was held responsible to be strong. In the moments I wish God would take me instead, I learned so much about what unconditionally truly means. It isn’t the happy, it is downright hell of life we go through to truly see the strength of our will power. When she died July 21st, at 9 o’clock in the morning in my arms, I was never the same. That moment changed me forever. In a moment when I was angry, I felt the hug of peace knowing she was finally not in pain, and I found through that experience I was meant to use my experience to help others. I was needed here, and she was given to me because he knew I could handle it. In life we have obstacles thrown at us, we never think we can survive, but we can even though it is excoriatingly painful. To conclude I am who I am today, because of my beautiful Kali Marie, she made me the mother, and person I am today.

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